Topic of the Month:

Transitions Matter: From Middle School to High School

The good news is that there are plenty of ways parents can help their child to ease the transition from middle school to high school and you’ve already been doing many of these things for a long time. First of all, don’t let the idea of high school or having a teenager scare you. This is still your child.

Now, think back to when he/she learned to walk and you’ll likely get an idea of how to get through the challenges of parenting a high school student. Did you hover? Did you clear away all the furniture? Did you jump up each time your child became unsteady? If your approach was somewhere between panic and apathy and your child suffered only minor bumps and bruises, then you already have good experience to fall back on. Consider some advice that may resemble teaching your child to walk:

·        Move objects with sharp edges…by setting reasonable curfews

·        Allow some bumps and bruises…by offering to pick-up your child from any location at any time without questions if he/she is uncomfortable for any reason

·        Don’t hover but keep a watchful eye…by waking up (or staying up) to greet your child when he/she returns home late, even if only for a five minute conversation

§         Survey rooms for large staircases…by checking that parties have adult supervision

§         Keep the lights on…by retaining your family rituals, they are grounding

·        Use your pediatrician for guidance and follow your instinct…by allowing your child to understand consequences and make small decisions

Another important part of this transition is to understand the process from your child’s point of view and knowing that basic parenting rules and relationship rules still apply.  Remember that teenagers do want to stay connected with their families. They do want to be noticed by you and listened to by you. They want to be appreciated for who they are. And they want you to trust them (though not blindly). If, at times, your child seems to have no interest in your family, don’t believe it: instead, wait it out. Remind your child, too, that you (and others) will be there when he/she is ready to spend time with the family (or plan a family vacation). Lastly, keep in mind that children do best when they are connected… to family, to friends, to school, to activities, to religious communities, etc. They need to belong and to connect. You can help by keeping in touch with friends, activities, and the school. Attend back-to-school nights, sports competitions and fine arts events, and get involved when you can make the time. We want your family to be strong because that’s when students have the greatest success. Let’s work together and keep in mind that just as you were not able to learn to walk for your child, you can’t do this for him/her either. But, with your guidance and a wise eye on the next obstacle, you play an important role in their learning process.